I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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