Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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