true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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