My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
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