I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
