Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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