I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
