I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
