I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Four minutes until I can fart!
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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