My first STD was from a foam party
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
The Olympian is in my bed
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