i think my tv is drunk
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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