At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Randomize
