she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
