Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
We need to rekindle our bromance
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Walk of Shame today included voting.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
