They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
