I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
