My hand turned me down
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
