there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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