Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Randomize
