would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Randomize
