He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
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