Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
