I think im going to throw up on grandma
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
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