I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
