i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
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