I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
