i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
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