i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize