Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Randomize
