I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I just gargled with NyQuil
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
