apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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