If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
