I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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