Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize
