i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Randomize
