My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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