Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
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