Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
