If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
