The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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