If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Randomize
