using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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