her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
