found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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