I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
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