Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
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