um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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