He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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