True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Randomize
