i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize