i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
