no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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