He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
