just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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