The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
