You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Randomize
