i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
