oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
