Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
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