Taylor Swift is so right about you.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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