Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize
