I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
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