There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
