So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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