Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
