I just saw a hot homeless man
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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