I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
That accounts for only three of the penises
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Randomize
