ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Green mimosas i think yes
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize