i think i have two assholes
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
