Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Even my vagina gasped.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
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