Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
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