So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
