somebody snuck up and got me drunk
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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