wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
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