He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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