Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
we're chasing vodka with high fives
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
